Redemption
by Pippin's LadyKnight
Summary: WARNING:POTC 2 SPOILERSJack's thoughts on the Pearl at the End of the second movie. Songfic with heaviliy implied JE. One shot. Review if you care to.


Redemption by PLK

He couldn't really blame her. Not without taking a piece of the blame himself. She did what she had to do, what was right by her. He couldn't ask for more than that…

**How I wish I could surrender my soul;  
shed the clothes that become my skin;  
See the liar that burns within my needing.**

The manacles clink as he twists his arm about trying to jerk them, tear them somehow away from the mast… This one time he felt like asking for more than that. For once in his life, he was beginning to realize how wrong he was about almost everything….

**_How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.  
How I wish I had screamed out loud,  
instead I've found no meaning.  
_**

He heard her lie, when she made her way across the deck and into the waiting longboat. He didn't say anything to contradict her either. What good would it do him now? He had decided to stay behind himself, had he? The guilt colored her voice. It threw the entire tone of it off, and he was surprised that Gibbs hadn't heard it himself and challenged her on it.

At this notion he has to smile wryly. He knows that this time, Jack Sparrow has double-crossed his friends one too many times. And He knows he would have done the same thing in their place, deafened his ears to the lies and turned away. Saved his own skin.

**_I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,  
all pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.  
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray._**

The oars splash as they make their way away from him. Leave him to suffer his fate with nothing but silence, and the taste of Elizabeth on his mouth for comforts.

The unfairness of it all comes crashing down on him in a wave. It was just plain ironic that he should lose what he had been looking for his entire life before he really even had a chance to grasp that he had it.

He had seen where the compass had pointed when she held it…there was something there, between them. Or would have been...

**I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.  
**

She said that she wasn't sorry. And it was cruel of her. More cruel then tricking him…beating him at his own game… Crueler then almost giving him what he most wanted, herself, and then dancing away from him.

He might have known what she was up too, if he had been suspecting it.

He should have known that she would never willingly kiss him, willingly choose him over Will. There was always a catch with her. He supposed it was because of so much pirate influence in her life. She was too good of a liar now. Poor William.

_**It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.  
**_

There, the lamp. Jack draws his swordAt least he still has his wits about him. The oil is slick on his arm, thick and warm…

**How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;  
Hold memory close at hand,  
Help me understand the years.  
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell...**

A part of him hopes that Will managed to see what Elizabeth's last act on the Black Pearl had been. His knows the thoughts are bitter, but he cannot help but wish some grievance on the happy couple. Something to remember him by, he thinks with a grimace.

**How I wish I would save my soul.  
I'm so cold from fear.  
**

The manacle is off. It needn't have been, its not going to help him in the end. But at least he has the knowledge that he will die with a sword in his hand, something else to dull the pain of Elizabeth's betrayal.

Jack Sparrow will go down fighting. Too bad there will be no one to sing of this, his grandest adventure. He doesn't think his shipmates would even dare, after all he's done to them. At the time, he had thought of all the trickery and deceptions as petty grievances. Something he could make up for later.

He had a knack at redeeming himself. Now the thoughts of all he had done prickled like barbs beneath the skin. There would be no charming smile and smooth voice to convince them to forgive him now. Now they were free to hold it against him until they, themselves, saw fit to do otherwise.

It pained him in some profound way that he was about to die unloved. For die he would. He needn't turn and see the Kraken's tentacles creeping up the side of his beloved Pearl to know that much.

**I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,  
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.  
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.**

At least the rest of them got away, He thinks, as he bends to pick up his hat from the Pearl's beaten, crusted deck. It may be slimy, but at least it's whole. His hat, back where it belongs at long last…He didn't realize how much he had missed it until it was back in its proper place.

He wonders if any one will think the same of him. Perhaps the next time they look at an empty helm, or the table in the corner at a busy tavern they'll think of him. But he doubts it.

**  
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.  
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.**

He's covered in slime. What a way to go. At this point the monster is only making his outsides match what his innards must be like…He sighs. A great heaving surrender of breath, preparing his lungs for their eventual collapse

**All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.  
**

He could count the teeth of the Kraken if he wanted too. But he doesn't. Doesn't want to think about the thing in front of him any longer. He wants the end. No more pain, no more thoughts of the people he has betrayed, or of the fresh betrayal of that one person more dear to his heart than even he could have guessed…

Some part of him knows Elizabeth was right to do this. Even if he would never have admitted it to anyone but himself.

Her solution to the problem was better than what he would have faced if by some miracle he had survived the trip to shore. A life without the sea. Doomed to dry land until he was no longer able to draw breath. That thing hunting him if he ever dared go into open water.

Dabbling in the water just off shore was no way to enjoy the Ocean. It would have been a slow death for him. He should be thankful to her. He should be happy.

But he cannot stop the hatred that creeps in to nestle among the immense sorrow that seems to fill him now… There is no room for happiness in him any longer.

**It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.**

There is no one to forgive Jack Sparrow this time. No comfort left to him at the very end after all…

"Hello Beastie." He murmurs, sword at the ready, knees bent to spring.

**FIN**

(Song used in this fic: Tears and Rain by James Blunt)

After I got home from Pirates 2 I popped in my JB cd needing something mellow to listen too, and this song slapped me in the face. In the theater, I had not been able to cry for Jack (pathetic I know, I mean really, he was Jack Sparrow!) but when I got home and heard this song, it put what he was feeling into words for me and I bawled like a baby. No joke. It really is a very pretty song; I picture the end scenes of the movie now with it as background music. Hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you thought if you care enough to review on this…

PLK


End file.
